Dear Evan Hansen + Text posts
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- Evan: Let me get this straight, more like let me run something bi you.
- Zoe: Just let this pan out.
- Jared: No, I think we should ace-ess the situation.
- Connor: …I’m gay.
- Evan: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
- Connor: What if I bite it and it dies?
- Alana: That means you’re poisonous.
- Connor: What if it bites itself and I die?
- Zoe: …That’s voodoo.
- Connor: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
- Alana: That’s correlation, not causation.
- Connor: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
- Jared: That’s kinky.
- Jared: Rules are made to be broken.
- Alana: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken!
- Zoe: Uh, pinatas!
- Evan: Glow sticks.
- Connor: Karate boards...
- Jared: Rules.
If Looney Tunes can play basketball, who says I can’t quit drugs?
Connor*
*(as written by the Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman)
- Evan and Zoe: *PDA*
- Jared: What the fuck? What the fuck? Is that allowed?
- Zoe: Stop.
- Jared, Zoe, and Evan.
- Evan: Come on, guys! I'm straight as everybody here in this room.
- (Jared and Zoe look at each other)
- Evan: God damnit
Dear Evan Hansen, how are you? I’m fine. Okay, I’m not fine! You got me! God, you’re good.
Evan
- Jared: They call me coffee ‘cause I grind so fine.
- Evan: They call me coffee, 'cause I keep you up past two AM.
- Connor: They call me coffee, because I’m really bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of what I am.
- Jared: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?
- Alana: You did.
- Zoe: You said Alana should be boss.
- Evan: And then you said 'let's vote,' and it was unanimous.
- Zoe: And then you made her this little plaque, that said 'Boss of Us'. You put little sparkles on it.
- Jared: Valid points, all.
- Evan: Usually you say you didn't eat something, but then you did, like that soap I got-
- Jared: It looked like a shell!
- Zoe: How does that make it more edible?
- Jared: Shells can be pasta!